from dust

now how cool is that?wonder what mum would say if i tried something like that in my room..

MIFA 09

and now i know, that perfect men do exist. no no not talking about you, salam...im talking about Bernard Chandran!haha. he's insanely goodlooking. he's a family guy, and he's a fashion designer. isnt that every girls dream? hell yeahh!

but anyway.. ive been and will continue to be insanely busy for awhile. end of the year and end of the semester brings about a milllion things to tick off the to-do- list.

hope you enjoyed that pictured as much as i did. ill keep you posted.


"I don't know if I've lived ten thousand days or a day ten thousand times. I need you here...
because I don't know how to live without you. I have yet to learn...."- te necesito, Shakira

insane in the membrane

its been crazy. my minds been whacked. i totally prefer Gwen Stefani as a brunette. i hate digital sudoku compared to pencil and paper. i watched my sassy girl on HBO and went into crack mode. felt weird the entire night and this morning. derived an insane plan for the weekend with liyana. im about to recruit attendees and not tell them what they're signing up for. but i know for sure they'd come anyway. im feeling in love. i designed a dress which im determined to get made. its the perfect dress to fit the crazy soldier love affair that goes on in my mind dramatically and realistically in life. its flowwy..and perfect. n he's perfect.or has my definition of perfect changed to a more realistic level? and tonights going to be exactly what i needed. my hearts been pumping an excess of adrenaline into my body. does the heart even pump adrenaline? i dont remember that being so. but its a metaphorical statement. i think im gonna die of this absurd feeling. i have to find a saree to suit my mood now. its either completely dull that i'm invisible or its insanely blinding and out of this world. that leaves me many choices. dad is forcing me to wear one and smile at his guest. makes me feel used. and kinda disgusted. but i suppose this is good practice for the life doing PR. i posted my letter finally. i'm as snaily as snail mail is. did u realize that everyone's getting married now? first was preggers season. then dying was the in-thing and now its marriage. what next? karaoke season! yea. that sounds unlikely.

the song for right now

"We have changed but we're still the same...ill be happy
 for you if you can be happy for me..."
-cool, gwen stefani

90's

man. listening to music from the 90's and the bands i grew up with really puts me in an awesome mood. i'm feeling all cartwheels and tangos.

sugar ray-every morning
red hot chilli peppers- cant stop
third eye blind- semi charmed life
blur-coffee and tv
semisonics-closing time
new radicals-you get what you give
OMC- how bizzare
smashing pumpkins-lily
all saints-i know where its at
alanis morissette-hands in my pocket
len- steal my sunshine
chumbawamba-knock down?
no doubt-hella good

i've been at this for ages. i could go on and on..lauryn hill (had the cassette yo!) nirvana.. man the foo fighters right? what year did kurt cobain die? i should start compiling everything and just go crazy.

shit how could i have forgotten the hansons (had their cassette too) spice girls (them too) and the dudes that sang the macarena! and omg beastie boys!(totally had thier cassette too)

well this week- feel good songs. maybe next can be the sadtunes and the following can be hip hop hoorrays yo!haha.

me: eh you cut your hair ke?
zi: yea. i hate hair!
me: *pause* wow... thats deep.

bleeker,

You have only been gone ten days, but already I’m wasting away.

The helplessness of waking up everyday without u near, to not be able to look at you or see you do the things you always do, to not be able to take you out on dates and watch movies or hang out, to not be able to hold your hand or smell your busukness, to not be able to text or call cause ive run out of credit, to go to sleep hoping that time would past by faster, to realize that time is taking its time, to know that you’ve been skipping meals to get credit to call me instead, to know that u save your favourite Mcdonalds meals for special occasions now only because your saving money for us, to know that your occasional mcdonalds meals that you look forward to got eaten by ants while you were fishing and you had to throw it away, to have mum take away my passport and my only way of being there with you thrown away too, to know that you only go shopping to buy me clothes even though u keep losing yours, to know that you hate being there although you don’t show it but you have no choice. It really eats me up. I’m so sorry for not getting it. I know I took this long but I know I feel it too. I miss you baby. And as psychotically hard as this is, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you. Everything you’ve done for me and how you held my hand every step of the way. I’m sorry Bleeker. Ill be there for you..love you.

-Junebug

Look Jan

look Salam!!, another reason for us to go to INDIA!! the Chand Baori in Jaipur, Rajasthan.its 1000 years old. Deepest step well in the world which is still in immaculate condition.

" if cows could fly, that means the steaks would be higher "

- Shahril Bahrom

well, first things first,

happy birthday to Kimberly vanilla, Aaron leong and Diandra soliano.

I'm really quite happy/sad for Kimmy. i didn't get to send her off to the airport. I'm sorry my love. well u had your own posse anyway.but I've been physically and emotionally disintegrating. i find it so hard to wake up..well harder to want to wake up. I'm a robot. and last week was really f**ked up. i honestly didn't know where to compartmentalize my emotions so i just lied down. letting it flow pass me.

I've been watching videos from Rockstar INXS. that was such a good competition. i remember going crazy every week watching it. and Rockstar supernova. madness. go check it on youtube. and and and I've also been dying to start digging into the new IKEA catalogue. but i have exams tomorrow so I've been saving it and making do with one page sneak peaks here and there.

sigh..

y do i feel really complicated now? i feel like i'm confusing myself sometimes. need to stop talking and thinking and just start doing. that minimizes the insanity. salam was back shortly last week. but now he's gone again and we're back to square one. its really cruel. and is it to bold to say that im really tired of life? its such a bad bad place. i dont want to be apart of it anymore. the people are nice but i get hurt still somehow. i dont want to hurt anybody. ive been just trying to learn and absorb and understand people i meet but the more i do, the more i feel like i wish i never did. i dont like what i see. i dont like feeling helpless and sad. i dont like seeing and hearing about how effected people are from the bad things that have happened to them. it makes me all very sad. we are so fragile. so funny how people pick up the shit and move along.. i don't want to la. i think i rather die with this hurt then to feel more and more. im not strong.



"Imagine there's no countries. It isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for and no religion too. Imagine all the people living life in peace " -imagine, john lennon